Revealing the True Self in Solitude and Silence 

How do we avoid the distortions of our false self? Discover the lived experience and life’s work of the beloved contemporary contemplative author, Henri Nouwen, in this biographical reflection by Wendy Vanderwal Martin, Development Director of the Henri Nouwen Society.  

Henri Nouwen distilled the wisdom of desert spirituality in “The Way of the Heart.” He identified three lies that feed our compulsive false self: to be relevant, to be spectacular, and to be powerful. To dismantle these lies, Nouwen invited those seeking to live out of their truest self to three key disciplines.

Solitude.

Nouwen writes, “Solitude is the place of the great struggle and the great encounter — the struggle against the compulsions of the false self, and the encounter with the loving God who offers himself as the substance of the new self.”  

Silence.

“Silence is solitude practiced in action.” Nouwen saw silence as the practice of pilgrimage in which we guard the inner fire of the Holy Spirit and learn how to truly speak with power. 

Practicing the Prayer of the Heart.

Nouwen writes, “The Prayer of the Heart opens the eyes of our soul to the truth of ourselves as well as to the truth of God. The prayer of the heart challenges us to hide absolutely nothing.”  

Within these three disciplines, we see Nouwen pursuing the Sabbath rest of living into his True Self, his Belovedness. Ever honest about his own struggles, he once described his mind while practicing contemplation like a “monkey in a banana tree.” Nouwen often embraced a rigorous transparency, his book, “Wounded Healer,” embodies this vulnerability.  

Having taught at Notre Dame, Yale, and Harvard, it was the downward mobility of his last ten years at L’Arche Daybreak, an intentional community of those with and without intellectual disability sharing life together, that enabled Nouwen to more fully taste the fruit of his life-long desire for intimacy with God.  

A near fatal accident in 1989, resulted in the book, “Beyond the Mirror: Reflections on Death and Life.” Nouwen’s experience of profound unconditional love at the portal of death marked a greater depth of connection to the Divine Indwelling and birthed in him a more expansive freedom. 

Living a Eucharistic life was precious to Nouwen. In his book, “With Burning Hearts,” a reflection on the road to Emmaus, Nouwen describes the journey from mourning to discernment, from invitation to intimacy, and from community to the charge to go and bear witness. These movements and rhythms of life were a crucial part of Nouwen’s experience of and invitation to the contemplative life. And for Nouwen, the contemplative life always moved towards expression in ministry and service.  

Nouwen embraced creative ways of growing in the grace of contemplation to energize discerning ministry. His book, “The Return of the Prodigal Son,” is a years-long exercise of Visio Divina and in, “Behold the Beauty of the Lord,” Nouwen introduced many to the experience of praying with icons.  

Nouwen’s mystical experiences of contemplation and deep commitment to his vocation accompanied him through many human struggles, accessible now through the publication of his journals.  

Learn more about Nouwen, his books, and the work of the Henri Nouwen Society here.  

Reflect with Us 
Where and when do you find silence and solitude? What is revealed to you through the experience? Share your reflection with us. 

Wendy VanderWal Martin is the Development Director of the Henri Nouwen Society. Throughout her years in ministry, Wendy has been accompanied by Henri’s wisdom. She lives in St. Stephen, New Brunswick. 

We Conspire is a series from the Center for Action and Contemplation featuring wisdom and stories from the growing Christian contemplative movement. Sign up for the monthly email series and receive a free invitation to practice each month.